Ok, man, here's my editorial input, as you requested.
Panel 1, bubble 1, as you have it: "Every time I awake, I make myself deep and fundamental questions."
This should probably read: "Every time I wake up, I ask myself deep and fundamental questions."
"Awake", or "awaken", is technically ok in English, but in common American usage folks generally say "wake up" instead. "Awaken" is very formal, and I usually hear it only in poetry. And "make" should definitely change to "ask."
Panel 1, bubble 2: "Say... that hole in the ceiling, was there last night?"
Just a small correction, it should probably read "Say... that hole in the ceiling, was that there last night?"
Bubble 3 is fine, as is everything else until we get to Panel 4. The mermaid's dialog reads like this: "Big white shark's mating rituals. Is it normal I feel the urge of posing as bait?"
Recommended correction: "Mating rituals of the Great White Shark. Is it normal that I feel the urge to pose as bait?" or maybe "Great White Shark's mating rituals. Is it normal that I feel the urge to pose as bait?" The first would be a little better English, but it takes up more room on the panel. The second is ok, and its about the same length
Have I mentioned that I love this comic? I can totally see this as a professionally published book. Hell, I'd buy it! Great work, man.
She has a mermaid room mate in a fish tank??? Bwaaaa hahaha. Cracking me up. I love this comic. The artwork is wonderful. The dialog is hilarious, though the English is a little odd in places. I don't know if that matters to you or not. [grin] If it does, I'd be happy to help with a little proof-reading.